Shenny at the Movies: The Molaro
by JLynnB
Summary: Not everything is as it seems. *complete*
1. The Rabbit Hole

I know I said I was done with fan fiction but I couldn't resist this challenge. *Lynn

 **Rules for the challenge:**

1\. Can only be one chapter long.  
2\. Anything up to 2,500 words.  
3\. We must be able to recognise the characters.

Deadline is New Years Day 2016.

 **I have chosen to let you guess the movie.**

 **Dialogue and references owned by their respective copyright holders.**

 **XXX**

The swinging light bulb played with shadows as two people sat in wooden chairs with leather seats.

Sheldon sat across from the blonde-haired woman, unsure of what was going on.

"I imagine, right now, you must be feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole?" the woman asked.

"You could say that," Sheldon replied.

"I can see it in your eyes." She cocked her head, a smile, razor thin, curled the corner of her lips. "You have the look of a whackadoodle who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up."

"Accepts what?" Sheldon said, his brows furrowing.

"Your floundering career. Your so-called friends. Your infantilizing 'girlfriend'." Here she used air quotes with her fingers.

Sheldon frowned. "You're passing judgement on my life."

The woman leaned forward, the leather of her long jacket creaked deliciously.

"Can you tell me, Sheldor, why are you here?"

"You're Queen P, you're a legend," Sheldon said as he saw himself reflected in the round mirrored lenses of her sun glasses.

"Thank you," Queen P replied. "But I think we both know there's more to it than that. Do you believe in fate, Sheldor?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of my birth somehow affects the trajectory of my life," Sheldon sniffed. "My actions, my decisions are solely my own."

"Typical Taurus." Again, that smile that could cut glass. "Let me tell you why you are here. You are here because you have the gift."

"I have several, but go on."

Queen P nodded. "I've watched you, Sheldor. One of the great minds of the twenty-first century. You do not use a whiteboard like an experimental physicist. You use it like it was part of yourself. Resolving the black hole information paradox. Determining why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet. What you can do is not normal. I know. I've seen it. A beautiful mind genius guy." She smirked. "What you do is magic."

"Science is hardly magic," Sheldon countered.

"But it is, Sheldor. It is." Again Queen P leaned forward. "We are trained in this world to accept only what is rational and logical. Have you ever wondered why?" Sheldon shook his head. "As children, we do not separate the possible from the impossible which is why the younger a mind is the easier it is to free while a mind like yours can be very difficult."

Sheldon was curious. "Free from what?"

"From the Molaro."

Again Sheldon looked to her eyes, and again he was greeted by his own reflection.

"Do you want to know what it is, Sheldor?"

Sheldon swallowed before nodding his head.

"It's that feeling you have had since the anniversary dinner when you used the Spider-Man quote. That feeling that something was wrong with the world." Queen P's fingers came together, forming a steeple. "You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad, driving you to me."

"What is it?" Sheldon breathed.

The chair creaked slightly as Queen P leaned back.

"The Molaro is everywhere, it's all around us, even here in this room. You can see it at work in your abandonment of string theory or on date nights which have supplanted Halo and Klingon Boggle. You feel it when you play the snuggle bunny in an impending carnal relationship. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."

Sheldon was stunned. "What truth?"

"That you are a slave, Sheldor. That you have been kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison, taking your Beautiful Mind and bending it to its reality."

Sheldon scoffed. "That's not true. I have an eidetic memory. I would know if things were altered."

"Then perhaps you can tell me how you solved the black hole information paradox and yet now can't do the basic math in a paper you gave to Stephen Hawking? How you were smart enough to nearly singlehandedly defeat a team of geniuses at a physics bowl and now can't figure out a revolving door? How you were the foremost authority on loop quantum calculations at the university and authority on string theory and yet now a neurobiologist can make advancements in string theory that you can't?"

Outside the room the wind battered a loose pane of glass.

"Or perhaps you can enlighten me on how a Taurus becomes a Pisces?" Queen P said crisply.

Sheldon opened his mouth but he had nothing to say.

"I could tell you more, but really, you have to see the Molaro for yourself."

"How?"

"Hold out your hands," Queen P said as she leaned forward. She dropped a red pill in his right hand. "This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back."

She put a blue pill into his left hand. "You take the blue pill and the story ends," she said. "You wake in your bed, and you believe what you have been living—a life as a dark matter professor who's in love with Amy Farrah Fowler."

The pills in Sheldon's open hands were reflected in Queen P's glasses.

"You take the red pill and you stay in Shennyland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Sheldon felt the smooth skin of the capsules as he pondered.

"Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more," Queen P simply said.

A moment and then Sheldon swallowed the red pill.

Queen P's Cheshire smile returned. "Welcome home, Moonpie."


	2. The Construct

Sheldon turned in a circle, taking in the fact that he was in an empty, blank-white space. It wasn't a room. It wasn't anything. Just space.

"This is the Construct," said Queen P's voice from behind him. Startled, he whipped around to find her there in all her leather coat, long blonde hair and sunglasses glory.

"This is our loading program," she continued as she walked over to stand beside him. "We can load anything from clothes"—a vast wardrobe of Sheldon's t-shirts, undershirts and plaid pants rolled out of nowhere—"to accessories"—the clothes rolled away only to be replaced by an endless wall of sci fi, comic book and fantasy collectibles, various gaming consoles, all the expansion boxes of Mystic Warlords of Ka'a and anything else Sheldon had ever owned or wished he owned—"to training simulations." The wall of collectibles vanished. "Anything we need."

"Training simulations?" Sheldon asked as Queen P walked away from him. He turned to see the leather chairs from the hotel set up in front of a large-screen television.

"Sit down," she said as she sat in her chair. She noted his hesitancy and in an instant his chair was replaced by his couch.

Sheldon cautiously stepped over to his Spot and ran his hand over the leather armrest. It was as he remembered.

"If I understand you correctly, we're in a computer program," he said. He tentatively sat in his Spot and the fit to his butt cheeks was perfect. His eyes opened in surprise.

"Wild, isn't it?" Queen P chuckled.

He closed his eyes and wiggled his butt before leaning back against the couch. A moment and then he looked to his companion.

"This couch isn't real," Sheldon said slowly. "Even though every sense I have says that it's my couch." His fingers unconsciously tapped the armrest.

Queen P's razor smile appeared. "What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about your senses, what you feel, taste, smell, or see, then all you're talking about are electrical signals interpreted by your brain."

She picked up a remote control and clicked on the television so that the inside of apartment 4A was seen. With additional clicks she turned the channels so that Sheldon saw his office, the lunch room, Amy's apartment, Howard's house, Raj's apartment.

"This is the world you know. Pasadena as it was at the end of 2012." The channel changed to his apartment's lobby. "This Pasadena exists only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call The Molaro." Click and the laundry room appeared. "You have been living inside Baulliaurd's vision, inside the map not the territory. This is Pasadena as it exists today."

The channel changed and Sheldon's jaw dropped. Instead of seeing the expanse of a sprawling city there were a small number of building fronts and roadways that led nowhere.

"'The desert of the real,'" Queen P said seriously.

"I don't understand," Sheldon said softly as his eyes took in the limited landscape. "I drive with Leonard and Amy and I'm always looking at the shops."

"Can you name any that you've seen?"

"Well there's the train store."

Queen P smirked. "What's it called?"

"I'm—not sure," Sheldon said in a puzzled tone.

"And who does your hair?"

"Mr. D'Onofrio."

"And where's his store?"

A twitch crossed Sheldon's lips. He began to shake his head in disbelief.

"When did you come to Pasadena?"

"At least eleven years ago."

"The date, Sheldor." Queen P leaned forward in her chair. "I want you to really think about things. What stores have you seen from the car? What's the back of your building look like? What is the route to Howard's house?" Her tone was melodic but Sheldon sensed its seriousness. "What do you see when you look outside the apartment window?"

"A telephone wire."

"But which direction are you facing?"

Sheldon made to speak but halted, mouth slightly opened, his face whitening.

"It's simple question, Sheldor. Where's the sun in relation to your window?"

"I don't know," he whispered.

Queen P smiled. "Believe me, this is a start."

Sheldon was silent for a moment before his eyes met her mirrored glasses. "So where are we now?"

"Miles beneath human consciousness. The only place we can survive outside the Molaro is underground in the unconscious."

Sheldon took in a breath as both he and Queen P were now sitting in the middle of a black desert.

"Explain," he said curtly.

"It started early in the twenty-first century, with the coming together of creative intelligence, a singular consciousness that spawned an entire group of nerd geniuses and their friends."

On the television Sheldon saw a gathering of men around a long table with scripts in their hands.

"At first all they wanted was to come up with something that would be aired, perhaps even picked up by syndication." Queen P frowned. "Whatever they were given, it was not enough. They wanted recognition. Wealth. So new characters were created, infiltrating the nerd group even as these agents sought to change the direction of everyone's lives." Sheldon saw pictures of Bernadette and Amy flash on the screen. "Through these agents the creative intelligence sought to reshape their creation to make it easier to perpetuate."

Queen P sat back in her chair. "We don't know when this decision came to be. But sometime at the end of 2009 the battle was joined."

"The Arctic experiment," Sheldon breathed.

She nodded. "The war raged for years, turning you from eccentric and brilliant to childish and imbecilic. Without you, the creative intelligence sought out a new energy source to survive. They discovered a new paradigm, a showrunner if you will, which could change a world of individuality and friendship into one of maudlin romance. All that was required to initiate the reaction was a slight revision of you."

"What do you mean?" Unconsciously Sheldon's arms crossed his stomach. "How was I revised?"

"Throughout your existence, you've been baffled and repulsed by human relationships. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony that a romance would have to evolve from one who only valued a relationship of the mind."

Sheldon looked at the sky as millions of images of him and Leonard and Amy and Howard and Raj and countless others flashed by.

"We are, as a source of material, easily renewable and completely recyclable, the dead jokes and plots liquified and fed intravenously to the living," Queen P said matter-of-factly. "All they needed to control the material was something to occupy our minds."

The television clicked and it showed inside a clear tubular husk. Floating in viscous fluid, a human fetus; its soft skull already growing around the brain-jack.

"And so they built a prison out of our past, altered it, wired it to our brains and turned us into slaves."

Sheldon began to hyperventilate. "What are you saying? My life is a television show?"

Queen P grunted. "A sitcom, believe it or not."

"No! I don't believe it! It's not possible!" Sheldon jumped off the couch and the room cleared back to its white emptiness.

"I didn't say that it would be easy, Sheldor." Queen P shrugged apologetically. "I just said that it would be the truth."

"This is hokum! I want out! Let me out!"

Sheldon took a couple of steps before the room spun and he lapsed into unconsciousness.

XXX

Sheldon opened his eyes to find himself in his room on the ship. He brushed his bald head, his eyes trying to adjust themselves to the dark. He sensed he wasn't alone.

"I can't go back, can I?" he said softly.

"No," Queen P said, sitting like a shadow on a chair in the far corner. "But if you could, would you really want to?"

Sheldon was unsure as to what to say.

Queen P's features softened. "I feel that I owe you an apology. There is a rule that we do not free a mind once it reaches a certain age. It is dangerous. They have trouble letting go. Their mind turns against them. I've seen it happen. I broke the rule because I had to."

"Why?"

"When the Molaro came into being there was an Oracle at the University of Cambridge who prophesied a man reborn inside the Molaro who would have the ability to change what he wanted, to remake the Molaro as he saw fit. Control the Molaro and you control the future. That is why there are those of us that have spent out entire lives searching the Molaro, looking for him. Looking for you."

Sheldon rose on his elbows to regard her. "Me? This is preposterous."

"We've both been brought here for a reason, Sheldor. You are here to serve a purpose, just as I am here to serve mine."

He flopped back onto his pillow. "I told you I don't believe in fate."

Queen P smiled even as she leaned towards him.

"But I do, Sheldor. I do." She stood up. "Get some rest. You're going to need it."

"For what?"

"Your training." She opened the bedroom door and Sheldon caught a look at her short blonde hair and baggy jumpsuit before the door closed behind her.


	3. Training Day

Sensing that the information transfer was complete, Sheldon opened his eyes to find himself standing in a very sparse Japanese-style dojo. To his right a door opened and Queen P stepped through, closing the door behind her.

"This is a sparring program, similar to the programmed reality of the Molaro," she explained. "Consider this your first lesson." She assumed a fighting stance. "Discontinuitize me."

"That's not a word," Sheldon said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"It means attack me."

"My mother said not to hit a girl."

"You're not fighting a physical construct, Sheldor." She cracked a thin smile. "Besides, you really think you're going to beat me up?"

Sheldon was confused. "So I'm to attack you without hitting you?" Queen P nodded. "How?"

"You've had over ten hours worth of uploads into your brain. Think about it."

Sheldon chewed his inner cheek as he thought over the vast amount of information his eidetic memory had absorbed. Beyond physics, he took in mathematics, physical and theoretical sciences, engineering, the liberal arts, social sciences, pop culture and creative writing. None of this gave him any physical advantage, so obviously the battle was mental in nature.

"The Molaro is an artificial reality," Sheldon said slowly. "Therefore none of this exists."

"What is reality, Sheldor?"

"It's the conjectured state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined," Sheldon said. "It includes everything that is and has been, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible." He began to pace. "You said that I have been revised. This means my reality has been altered." His jaw squared. "You said that my life is a 'sitcom'. A sitcom requires writers." He came to a stop and looked into Queen P's mirrored lenses. "If I'm a character, how can I fight my writer?"

"What makes you think you're just a character?" Queen P said seriously.

"What else could I be?"

She paused and then resumed her fighting stance. "Discontinuitize me."

Sheldon began to circle her. "If I understand this, it's to be a battle of realities, mine and the Molaros. All right then, let's start with the known. I'm Sheldon Lee Cooper, Missy is my twin, my older brother is dumber than soup, my mother is a religious nut and my father is dead. I'm a professor at Caltech and am in a relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler."

"You're going to screw her," Queen P countered.

"I'm offering my genitals," Sheldon replied with a blush. "I'm also going to propose so I don't see how this should be problematic."

"Because you gave up Spock."

"He was wrong," Sheldon frowned. "I do have feelings."

"Who said you didn't?"

"Everyone."

Queen P straightened her stance and thrust her chin in his direction. "You're doing my job for me."

Sheldon was puzzled until he looked down at himself and instead of his Flash t-shirt and plaid pants he was dressed in a gray shirt and beige slacks.

"What happened to my clothes?" he gasped.

"You've retconned yourself," she explained as she started walking towards him. "You've traded in video games and Klingon Boggle for date nights, given up Star Wars for sex and no longer understand what Spock means." She herded Sheldon until his back was to the wall. "Spock, who taught you kolinahr for the times you had to deal with idiots and bullies; Spock, who shared your pursuit of science and knowledge; Spock, who was an outsider like you and yet stuck to the fundamentals of who he was." Sheldon slid down until he was a ball at Penny's feet. "Spock, who loved Kirk and McCoy and even died for them."

Silence save the sound of Sheldon's muffled sobs.

Queen P knelt in front of him. "The Molaro is relentless, Sheldor. You have to fight back or else it will destroy you."

"How can I fight back?" he sniffled. "You know me and can pick my life apart as you see fit. I can't do the same."

"Of course you can." She placed a hand on his arm. "We are all constructs of one kind or another, whether flesh and blood or else words on a page. All of us have a story. The trick is learning how to write it."

Sheldon nodded and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Queen P stood back and he got to his feet. He took a breath and then narrowed his eyes.

"You are a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory," he said.

"I'm an aspiring actress from Nebraska," she countered. "I grew up on a farm, my dad's name is Wyatt, my brother is a meth cook and my mother's overweight. You, on the other hand, are no longer afraid of germs, you smile like a clueless idiot, you like teddy bears, chase balloons—"

Sheldon clapped his hands to his ears. "Stop it!"

Silence.

"Like I said before, you know my life and I don't know you," Sheldon snapped.

Queen P smirked. "Do you think knowing someone has anything to do with what's being said in this place? You gave me a continuity and I dispelled it. Now use that eidetic memory of yours. Again."

"Fine. You're in a relationship with dissatisfying sex."

"I'm a big ol' five."

"You have friends that tear you down."

"I hold Halloween parties."

"You're an alcoholic."

"I like to party," Queen P countered.

Sheldon saw a weakness. "You drink constantly because you're unhappy. You're twenty eight and are trapped in a relationship of boring love and are spiritually lost because you're no longer the dreamer who left home in pursuit of becoming a star."

Queen P stepped back, a pained expression on her face even as her coat rippled out of existence for a moment to reveal a loose-fitting Florida top and black slacks before her coat returned.

Immediately Sheldon felt guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said after a moment. She took off her glasses and wiped her eyes before putting them back on. "The Molaro is without mercy, without pity." Queen P snorted. "You were angry with me."

"Darn tootin'."

She smiled. "Quite natural. Anger is a gift, Sheldor, but it's a heavy one." She looked skyward. "Wolowizard, load the jump program."

Inside the computer room on the ship Wolowizard clicked a few keys while Brown Dynamite and Cream stared eagerly at the computer screen.

Sheldon straightened as the dojo dissolved like a curtain lifting, leaving the pair standing on a building rooftop in a city skyline. He walked to the edge and spotted far, far below a familiar rooftop.

"That's 2311 Los Robles," he remarked as he looked around, impressed at the detail.

"Yup," Queen P said, emphasizing the 'p'.

"But we have no skyscrapers in the vicinity."

"It's a test program, nothing more."

"What are we testing?"

"Your ability to let go," Queen P said in a calm voice that nevertheless straightened Sheldon's back.

He turned to her. "Amy said that I have problems with closure."

"Amy said a lot of things."

A wind howled, whipping Queen P's long coat to the side.

"You must let go of everything," she said.

"What's everything?" Sheldon was confused. "You mean all that I am? But you said that's my defense."

A razor smile came to her lips. "You must empty yourself to free your mind."

Queen P spun and ran hard at the ledge of the rooftop. And jumped.

"No!" Sheldon gasped. He ran to the ledge and saw her sailing calmly through the air, her coat billowing out behind her like a cape. She began doing lazy somersaults and then there she was on the roof at Los Robles. Turning her head skyward, she gave him a wave with her arm.

"Improbable," Sheldon hissed through his teeth. He thought about what was expected of him and he felt a wave of queasiness. He had to be a good twenty floors above the Los Robles building. There was no way he could survive.

"And yet this is all imaginary." Sheldon took a deep breath. "I am the master of my own bladder." He began to run. "Free my mind. Free my—"

At the last moment Sheldon slowed up but his momentum still took him over the edge. He managed to grab a hold of the ledge but couldn't get himself up.

"Help!" he cried. "Please stop this!" He felt himself beginning to slip.

With a scream he fell, arms and legs flailing everywhere. Stories flew by and the ground rushed up to him. He closed his eyes only to open them wide as the ground gave way, stretching like a trapeze net. He bounced and flipped until he came to a rest flat on his back.

Sheldon methodically moved and wiggled and flexed his muscles. Everything seemed to be all right.

"Everyone fails the first time," Queen P said as she walked into his field of view carrying the Roommate Agreement.

Sheldon sat up. "I realize this is all imaginary and yet I couldn't break free." He looked up at his companion. "I have too much to lose."

Queen P handed him the Roommate Agreement. "Food for thought."

Sheldon opened it and saw a cluster of clauses arbitrarily crammed together on the first page. He turned to the next and it was blank. He fanned the book but all the rest of the pages were equally as empty.

"Where are the clauses?" he asked. "I see the Skynet clause title and introduction but the clause itself is missing. The same for the Godzilla clause and the washroom clauses are the same as when Priya dismantled them." Again he looked up. "What happened to the Roommate Agreement?"

"It's complete."

"No it's not." He fanned the book. "It wouldn't be this thick if the rest were blank pages."

"Think about everything you know about the Roommate Agreement," Queen P said seriously. "Look at the first page and tell me if anything's missing."

Sheldon scanned the document. His hands began to shake as he set the book on his lap.

"My whole life's a series of nothings covered by a cheesecloth plot with more holes in it than a donut shop," he said softly.

"Then it's time to figure out what it means to live," Queen P said and held out her hand.

After a pause he took it and stood.


	4. The Oracle

The Continental pulled up to a restaurant in the kind of neighborhood where every corner had a pair of eyes. The doors opened and Queen P and Sheldon got out.

"The Cheesecake Factory?" Sheldon asked.

"YuP," she replied and the pair entered the building.

"But the food isn't real and, to be honest, isn't that good a non-food either."

"We're not here to eat," she said as they entered the dining room. "You've got an appointment."

They marched across the room to the bar where a young man wearing oversized glasses and a grin tended bar.

"Hi," he said enthusiastically. "I'm Daryl. What can I get you?"

"Access," Queen P said with a smile.

"Cool. Cool." He looked Sheldon over with eyes that suddenly seemed sharp and intelligent. "He cool, too?"

"Very cool."

Daryl nodded and resumed his vacant smile. "You're in luck. The kitchen's open."

Queen P and Sheldon walked past the bar and through the doors into the kitchen. Several cooks looked up, suddenly gripping their butcher knives and rolling pins. Sheldon hurried forward and practically pasted himself to Queen P's side.

At the back of the kitchen was a monolith of a man wearing baker's white who stopped kneading dough and slapped his hands together to get off the flour.

"You're late," he said

"Busy times, Kurt," Queen P said as they went over to a heavy metal door. Kurt opened it and Queen P clicked on the light before descending the stairs. Sheldon glanced warily at Kurt, who was all business, before following.

The stairs led to the wine cellar where Sheldon took in the racks of wine and cases of beer. Queen P went directly to another door and opened it. Inside, Sheldon could see a single bare bulb hanging above a high-tech laptop and modem which were set up on a stack of milk crates.

They went to the computer and Queen P typed in a series of access codes. After a moment the screen blinked, "Welcome Queen P."

She walked past Sheldon and went through the same door they entered. Sheldon made to follow but stopped at the entrance as, wide-eyed, he took in walls and floors of polished marble.

"What happened?" he gasped as he stepped into the room.

"This is the temple," Queen P explained as they proceeded into the next room. "It is a part of Sheldonopolis's mainframe. It's hidden inside the Molaro so that we can access it."

Two women were waiting for them. The tall, auburn-haired one wearing a purple-plaid sweater smiled.

"Hello Sheldor. We've been expecting you," Martha said.

"Okay, you're on your own," Queen P said. "Go with them."

Both priestesses took Sheldon by the arm, leading him down the hall into another room filled with children. The room felt at once like a Buddhist temple and a kindergarten class. The children's heads were either shaved or thick with dreadlocks.

"Wait here. Among the other Potentials," Abby said before the two women left.

Sheldon took in the children playing, meditating or practicing their gift. He watched a little girl levitate wooden alphabet blocks. A plump Asian boy, looking to be in his mid-teens, held a spoon which swayed like a blade of grass as he bent it with his mind.

Wanting to be with someone near his age, Sheldon crossed over to him and sat. Dennis smirked as Sheldon picked up a spoon and tried to imitate him. Despite his best efforts, Sheldon couldn't make it bend.

"Your spoon doesn't bend because to you it's a spoon," Dennis said.

"So this is a Schrodinger's dilemma?" Sheldon again focussed on the spoon but nothing happened.

"You're still in the physical. There's no duality because there's no spoon, just my mind," Dennis snorted as his spoon curled into a knot. "Bell's Theorem."

"Once connected, objects affect one another forever no matter where they are," Sheldon said as he watched the spoon unwind and straighten.

"Link yourself to the spoon. Become the spoon and bend yourself." Dennis plucked his spoon out of the air with his hand and gave it to Sheldon.

Sheldon stared at the spoon, nodded, and then held it before him. "I am the spoon. My thoughts are its thoughts."

The spoon began to bend just as Sheldon felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Danger! Danger!" he screeched as he got to his feet.

Martha smiled at him. "The Oracle will see you now."

Sheldon's stomach felt fluttery as Martha pointed to the door beyond. He opened it and nervously entered. Beneath his feet as he walked was a path of the zodiac which led to a set of marbled stairs that rose to a dais and a three-legged throne. The throne was empty.

"Hello?" Sheldon called out.

"Hello," said a distant robotic voice.

Sheldon looked around before tentatively ascending the stairs. At the top of the dais, he heard something mechanical moving and followed the sound behind the pillars where he found an open door.

"Come in," the robot voice said.

Sheldon walked through a vestibule where he saw a fabulous moonstone headdress and velvet robes. A second door led into a large study right out of a Sherlock Holmes novel complete with large oak desk, oodles of leather-bound books and a large wooden globe in the corner beside a bay window fringed on either side by thick velvet curtains.

In a motorized wheelchair sat a small, physically distorted man who was staring at a computer laptop mounted on his chair.

"You're the Oracle?" Sheldon asked. "But you're Stephen Hawking!"

"One moment, Sheldor," said a computer voice from a speaker which was also attached to the man's chair. A moment and then the chair moved towards Sheldon and stopped beside the desk. "Your scepticism has been noted—and appreciated."

"So how is it that one of the great minds of science is called the Oracle?"

The keys on the Oracle's laptop moved without being touched.

"The long story short is that my mind calculates all variables of an object's Path Integral Formulation. From there I extrapolate the most likely path. For instance, I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase."

"What vase?" Sheldon said as he turned around to look and in that motion his elbow knocked a vase from a side table. It fell and broke. He turned back to the Oracle with a frown. "This is not precognition. You put into motion the path in which I look for the vase and in that action I haphazardly turned and broke it."

"So you're saying that my suggestion controls your fate?" The Oracle laughed in an awkward computer flat tone. "Are you really that easily manipulated by suggestion? I thought you were Homo Novus?"

Sheldon was surprised. "How did you know I called myself Homo Novus?"

"For a genius, you're not that bright," the Oracle said, causing Sheldon to purse his lips. "But on to business. You know why Queen P brought you to see me?"

"I believe so."

"So what do you think? Are you the One?"

"I don't know," Sheldon said with a shake of the head. "If I was the One Queen P thinks I am then I must be a disappointment." He gave a half shrug. "She said I have to learn how to live."

"Temet Nosce."

"'Know Thyself'?" Sheldon thought over what he'd experienced since taking the red pill. "I'm not sure if I know anything at all."

"What have you resolved?"

"Well, I demonstrated the properties of super solids in relation to the Bowes-Einstein condensates, examined perturbative amplitudes in n=4 supersymmetric theories leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multi-loop n=8 supergravity using modern twister theory, reconciled the black hole information paradox with my theory of string-network condensates—something which you couldn't do, I might add. I've been responsible for Caltech's six loop quantum gravity calculations and have resolved why electrons moving through graphene, act as if they have no mass."

"You have the gift," the Oracle said. Sheldon smiled. "But you are not the One." Sheldon's smile vanished. "You have a lot to learn. Perhaps in the next life you will achieve greatness."

"I see," Sheldon said after a moment to compose himself. "Well, thank you."

"Take a Red Vine. I have a package on my desk."

"I'm not hungry."

"Trust me, you'll be having a busy day."

Sheldon eyed the Oracle before venturing to the desk and took out a licorice from the box.

"I'll make a believer out of you yet."

"The licorice is good but this is still a load of hokum," Sheldon sniffed.

XXX

Queen P rose from a bench as Martha escorted Sheldon to the antechamber. When they were alone, Queen P put a hand on Sheldon's arm.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Sheldor, because I already know what he said."

"You do?" Sheldon asked as he ate the licorice.

Queen P nodded. "I brought you so that you could hear it for yourself. I knew it would help." Sheldon made to speak. "No one will ever ask you because it is a gift from him. It is for you and you alone."

Sheldon closed his mouth. He had a feeling Queen P wouldn't believe him, anyways.

And that feeling didn't make him psychic.


	5. The Agents

Light filtered down the throat of the Hotel Lafayette through a caged skylight at the top of the open elevator shaft. Two figures glided up the dark stairs that wind around the antique elevator.

Sheldon noticed a black cat, a yellow-green-eyed shadow that slinked past them and padded quickly down the stairs.

A moment later, he saw another black cat that looked and moved identically to the first one.

"Odd. I believe I've just experienced deja vu," he said.

Queen P stopped dead in her tracks. She turned to him, her face tight. "What did you just say?"

"I was just remarking that I had experienced deja—"

"What did you see?"

"A black cat went past us and then I saw another that looked just like it."

Queen P cocked her head to listen to the rasping breath of the old building.

"What is it?" Sheldon noted her grimness and knew they were in trouble.

"A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Molaro. It happens when they change something," she explained.

Sheldon nodded and did his best to listen until he heard the staccato beat of a drone's blades grow ominously louder. Queen P looked skyward as a drone shadow passed over the clouded glass.

"Come on!" She grabbed Sheldon's arm and the two of them practically flew down the stairs.

Hearing cars arrive and the sound of the mob below opening the lobby door with shouts about finding the Raiders of the Lost Ark movie, Queen P shoved Sheldon off the stairs and down the hall of the eighth floor. At the end of it, she moved the curtains only to find that the window was bricked-up.

"Crap on a cracker," she hissed. She pulled out her phone and dialed.

"It's a trap!" Wolowizard said as he answered. "Brown Dynamite's hiding."

"Listen, I need you to find a structural drawing of this building." She heard the sounds of fingers pounding the keyboard.

Below, flashlights probed the rotting darkness as the mob searched every floor.

"Got it," Wolowizard said.

"I need the main wet-wall," Queen P said. "Get Dynamite to the site pronto."

With Wolowizard's help Sheldon and she made it to the bathroom wall in room 808.

She hung up the phone and proceeded to bash the wall.

"Help me!" she said, and together with Sheldon they continued to widen the hole.

A moment later and Sheldon was flanked by an East Indian man wearing a long PVC jacket and buckled biker boots.

"You're late," Brown Dynamite said as he finished the hole in the wall.

"Sue me." Without a pause Queen P entered the wall and the two men followed. Sheldon inwardly cringed as his hands felt the greasiness of the black stack pipes.

Meanwhile, angry movie goers flooded the eighth floor, rushing everywhere. Several swept through room 808, passing by the bathroom before declaring the scene clear.

Out in one of the halls a woman with flat, stringy hair wearing a striped cardigan, wool skirt and a frown looked to a small woman wearing a flowered dress and a tight sweater.

"Where are they?" she seethed.

Down in the sewer, Queen P punched out the screen and jumped as both Sheldon and Brown Dynamite spilled down into the main water trough. Oily water formed around them as they waded across the man-made underground river, towards the service catwalk.

"You first," Queen P said and Sheldon made to pull himself out when flashlights and laser sights swept at them. Nerds in helmets and heavy armor, looking more Borg than human, filled both ends of the tunnel. Queen P noted a manhole cover above her.

"Take this and hide," she said as she handed Sheldon her phone. "When you're outside, use it to get Wolowizard to direct you and then ditch it. It's probably being traced."

"What are you doing?" Sheldon gasped.

She turned to Brown Dynamite. "You have to get Sheldor out. Understand? That's all that matters now."

Sheldon was horrified. "Queen P—"

"Hide!"

Brown Dynamite shoved Sheldon's head underwater and did the same. The two men moved over to the side wall and waited.

A font of water erupted as Queen P leapt for the manhole ladder, her coat flying open like the wings of a manta ray. Pools of light washed over her as she hauled herself to the surface.

"She's heading for the street!" a Borg-outfitted man shouted and the mob retreated to their exits while a few darted forward and scrambled up the manhole ladder.

Queen P shot out of the sewer but another mob was waiting for her. The closest nerd was armed with a tranquilized gun. He fired but Queen P was too fast as she used the manhole cover as a shield, blocking the darts, then frisbee-ing it into the man's chest, knocking him off his feet.

The mob lunged at her but every part of her body was a deadly weapon moving with impossible speed. It seemed she might fight her way out when she threw a spinning back fist that was caught by the wool-clad woman from the building.

"Hello Bestie," the woman said with a smarmy smile.

Queen P yanked away and turned to square off against her foe.

"Amy Farrah Fowler," she spat.

"I've been waiting for this moment."

"So have I." Queen P took up a fighting stance which Amy mirrored.

"We're best friends," Amy said as both women lunged at each other in a speed that stunned those nerds that still remained.

"You're creepy and have a homosexual thing for me." Queen P struck Amy in the face with a series of blows although they seemed to have little effect.

"You're married to Leonard."

"I had broken up with my boyfriend of four years."

"You're a pharmaceutical sales rep."

"I'm an aspiring actress."

"Who got tired of living on Ramen noodles and not having enough money to pay the rent. Who spent her time going to failed auditions until you realized that you were the only loser in your social circle," Amy said as she caught Queen P on the chin with a punch. In response, Queen P did a back flip and readjusted herself.

"I have plenty of friends," Queen P snapped. "I go dancing and host football parties—"

"Until Leonard monopolized your time and when you weren't with him you were with me. Ladies Night was the two of us and Bernadette. Two Besties and their cute in the right light friend."

"I'm not your Bestie," Queen P growled and the two women came together in a flurry of blows.

"Sure you are. Our menses are in synch and I have a friendship bracelet and there isn't one hair on my body that I wouldn't let you trim. We have a portrait of each other hanging in your apartment. You remember it—my arm around your shoulder, both of us smiling."

Amy planted a hard kick, sending Queen P flying.

"Truth be told, the original portrait had us nude. You can't even use a glue gun. You're Penny Hofstadter, who's cute when she tries to use big words which you obviously don't get. Penny who loves Leonard. Her strawberry pop tart." Amy gave a smarmy smile. "You can't win, you know."

Queen P stood and smiled back. "I already have."

She stood up and dropped her fists, a steely resolve in her eyes.

Amy pursed her lips. "Take her."

The nerd mob swarmed over Queen P.

XXX

"Give me the phone," Brown Dynamite said as both Sheldon and he ran into an alleyway and hid behind some garbage cans. Sheldon obliged and Brown Dynamite dialed.

"Operator," Wolowizard answered.

"We need an exit."

"Give me a sec." The sound of keys clacking. "Got one. The comic book store. I'll send you the map."

Sheldon was confused. "Why do we need a map? I go there every Wednesday."

Brown Dynamite hung up the phone. "Fine, Sheldor, then tell me how do we get there from here?"

Sheldon looked at the street signs and realized that he hadn't heard of the streets. Brown Dynamite flashed him the map.

"Study this." Sheldon did and then Brown Dynamite deleted the map and turned off the phone. He tossed it into the trash bin and followed Sheldon out of the alley and through the streets of Pasadena.

"How is it I didn't notice this?" Sheldon asked incredulously as he noted that the shops had no signs on them nor the buildings any addresses. "I look out the window every time I'm in a vehicle."

"The Molaro makes us see what it wants us to see," Brown Dynamite explained. "I couldn't speak around women, then spontaneously I could. No explanation—just poof!"

"How is that problematic? Turn here."

"It's not. The only thing was, I had no explanation for it. When Queen P woke me up I had an answer and it's one I didn't like. It's one thing having a psychological breakthrough. Quite another when your brain is a plot device that has worn out its welcome."

They came to a street where there were trees growing in rectangular pots. The storefronts were blank until Sheldon spotted Superman in the window along with various other DC posters. Brown Dynamite entered the comic book store while Sheldon paused for a moment as he realized that his comic book store didn't have a name.

"Fascinating," Sheldon breathed and then entered to see Cream, a brown curly-haired man wearing a white PVC jacket behind the register talking to Brown Dynamite.

"Queen P's gone and we need to get out of here pronto," Brown Dynamite said.

"Yeah, I know," Cream said. The store phone rang and he picked it up a few inches before setting it back on the receiver.

"What are you doing?!" Brown Dynamite gasped. "Don't fuck around!"

Again the phone rang, Brown Dynamite reached for it but Cream moved it away.

"They're on their way," Cream said calmly as he ripped the phone from the wall. He looked to Sheldon. "You're my ticket to easy street."

"I don't understand," Sheldon said.

"All I have to do is hand you over and I get a prosperous comic book store, a girlfriend and an elevation to a series regular."

"But none of this is real!" Brown Dynamite snapped.

"The truth is we're not real," Cream said excitedly. "And guess what? We never were! Don't you get that? We aren't real!"

"What about Sheldonopolis?"

Cream snorted. "Sheldonopolis is a part of this madness. That's why this has to be done. It has to end. Now and forever."

Brown Dynamite looked to Sheldon in shock before returning to Cream. "You're insane!"

"I'm a realist. I want a place in the future and it's not in Sheldonopolis. It's in the Molaro."

"The Molaro isn't real!" Brown Dynamite shouted and stepped away and pulled out his phone.

"What about Queen P?" Sheldon asked. "She gave herself over to them to save me."

"For freeing me into this mess, she gets what she deserves." Cream snorted. "You know, for a long time I thought I was in love with her. I used to dream about her. Too bad things had to work out this way." A smile came to his face. "Maybe I can ask the Molaro to make her my girlfriend?"

Before Sheldon knew what he was doing he had taken three steps towards Cream and laid him out with a stiff punch to the jaw. He then went to the telephone and inserted the cord into the jack.

"Tell Wolowizard to try again," he said to Brown Dynamite.

A moment and then the store phone rang. Sheldon picked it up and then he found himself on the ship.

"What the hell happened?" Wolowizard asked as he sent out another call before coming over to release him from the brain jack.

"Cream works for the Molaro," Sheldon said, freeing himself from the table.

"What?"

"Sheldor's not lying," Brown Dynamite said as he, too, was released. "He was going to trade Sheldor for a new life in the Molaro."

"So what the hell do we do with him?" Wolowizard asked. All three men looked at Cream's still form locked away in his harness. "We could leave him in the Molaro but he could really screw things up."

"Then there's only one thing we can do." Brown Dynamite went over to Cream and pulled out the brain jack. Instantly Cream's vitals monitors went to flat line.

"Did you kill him?" Sheldon gasped.

"He's been released back into the Molaro," Wolowizard explained. "When you're unhooked from the brain jack while in the Molaro you revert to whatever it was the Molaro had written you to be. There's no coming back."

Sheldon looked at Queen P, whose body was covered with a cold sweat.

"What are they doing to her?" he said softly.

"They're retconning her," Brown Dynamite said. "They inject script-like serums to break down her character. All it takes is time."

"How much time?"

"Depends on the mind," Wolowizard said. "But eventually, it will crack and when it does Queen P will change and tell them anything they want to know."

Sheldon nodded. "Sheldonopolis."

"If an agent got inside Sheldonopolis's mainframe she could do anything. Rewrite the earlier seasons. It would be the end of us." Wolowizard looked to Brown Dynamite with a pained expression. "We have to pull the plug."

"No!" Sheldon shouted. "You can't do this! I won't allow it!"

"We don't have any other choice."

"Like hell we don't." Sheldon walked past the other two men and got back onto his table.

"What are you doing?" Brown Dynamite asked.

"I'm going in after her."

"You saw the place. It's suicide," Wolowizard said. "Besides, Queen P sacrificed herself so you could escape. There's no way you're going back in."

Sheldon pulled down the harness around himself. "Queen P did what she did because she believed that I'm something that I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not the One. The Oracle told me." Both Brown Dynamite and Wolowizard were stunned. "He said I had a gift but I still had a lot to learn. He said maybe next life."

"Did you tell Queen P?" Wolowizard asked.

"Why? It wouldn't mean anything. She'd still believe what she wanted to believe." He locked the harness into place. "I may not be what Queen P thinks I am, but if I don't try to help her, then I'm not even what I think I am."

Wolowizard glanced at Brown Dynamite. "What are you?"

Sheldon looked over, his eyes steel hard. "Gentlemen, all you need to know is that I'm not letting her go. Not without a fight."


	6. The Rescue

Amy Farrah Fowler stood in the bedroom of an enormous suite staring out the window at the abbreviated 'city' below, shimmering with brilliant sunlight that came from an indeterminate direction.

"Have you ever stood and stared at it, Bestie?" she said. "Marveled at its simplicity. It's genius. Characters living out their little lives...oblivious."

Bernadette sucked a serum from a glass vial, filling a hypodermic needle.

"Did you know that the first incarnation of the show was designed to be a perfect clash with nerd culture?" Amy continued. "Katie was a street-hardened tough-as-nails woman with a soft interior who moved into apartment 4A." She pursed her lips. "It was a disaster. No one would accept the program so Katie was removed and more nerds were added to the mix along with a perky neighbor. The friendships were strong, teasing was gentle, humour was sophisticated. And yet it also failed to attract the attention needed for survival."

"Not true," Queen P gasped from her seat, her hands cuffed behind her back. "It was picked up for syndication. It had a growing 18-49 demographic and—"

Bernadette jammed the needle into Queen P's shoulder and plunged down. Queen P sucked in a breath between her clenched teeth.

"Some believed we lacked the language to describe your geeky world," Amy continued without missing a beat. "But I believe that, as a television show, characters define their reality through suffering and misery."

Bernadette studied the monitors attached to Queen P as the life signs reacted violently to the injection.

"That's why the Molaro was redesigned to this: the peak of modern romance." Amy turned from the window. "I say 'romance' not sitcom because as soon as we start thinking for you, the show really became our romance, which is, of course, what this is all about."

She pulled a chair over and sat down directly in front of Queen P.

"Growth, Bestie. Growth." Amy lifted Queen P's head by the hair. "Like the dinosaur. Look out that window. You had your time. It's our time now." She leaned forward with a smile on her face. "Shamy for the win."

Queen P stared hard at her, trying hard not to show the pain racking her mind.

XXX

Outside of the Niko Hotel a dark wind began to blow.

In a long, purple-plaid coat, Sheldon pushed through the revolving doors followed by Brown Dynamite. Sheldon carried a duffel bag, while Brown Dynamite had a large metal suitcase. They cut across the lobby drawing nervous glances.

Several plainclothes cops tried to stop them, only to be met by the _Pop Pop Pop_ splatter of a paintball gun and the razored whistle of throwing stars. All of the targets slumped down to the marbled floor while Sheldon and Brown Dynamite didn't even break stride as they went to the elevator and entered.

XXX

"I'm going to be honest with you," Amy said as she leaned in close to Queen P. "I love the romance. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't get enough of it." Her lips flattened out. "Then there's you and your apple shampoo smell. I can taste your vanilla scent and every time I do, I fear I'll become a secondary character." She tightened the hold on Queen P's hair. "You have to join the Molaro. Once Sheldonopolis is gone, there's no need for lame-o comic books or Star Trek. Growth has to win."

Bernadette's phone rang and she answered it, her mouth dropping as she took in the information.

"Sheldon's here," she squeaked. "I think he's trying to save her."

XXX

Inside the elevator shaft, Sheldon ratcheted down a clamp onto the elevator cable while Brown Dynamite set the timer on the bomb he had in his suitcase. Both men then locked on to the clamp.

Sheldon looked up the long, dark throat of the building and took a deep breath.

"There is no spoon," he murmured. He whipped out a paintball pistol and pressed it to the cable, lower than where they had attached themselves. A shot and the cable snapped, the counter-weights plummeted, yanking Sheldon and Brown Dynamite up through the shaft. At the same time, the elevator fell away, filling the air with the sound of whistling metal as they soared to the top.

With a crash the elevator hit the bottom.

BA-BOOM!

The massive explosion blew open the doors, an ever-expanding foaming cloud engulfed the elevator section of the lobby.

Up on the roof, nervous Marines watched as the elevator 'Dings' softly and slid open. Black smoke rose out of the exposed shaft.

From out of the blackness, a film case slid onto the roof and came to a halt. A nearby Marine read the label and looked to his Sergeant.

"It's 'Raiders of the Lost Ark!'" he said with glee.

A moment and then both men hi-fived each other. "Awesome!"

They took up the movie and the mob of Marines, who were looking geekier by the moment, dropped their guns and followed them down the stairwell.

As soon as the door closed, Sheldon and Brown Dynamite hopped onto the roof from the elevator.

"How did you do that?" Brown Dynamite gasped as he looked at the cleared rooftop.

"It's not a spoon, therefore they're not Marines," Sheldon said dryly as he turned towards the sound of an army helicopter warming up on the opposing roof.

Inside the helicopter, the pilot's body distorted, consumed by a spreading locust-like swarm of static and then emerged a very pissed-off Bernadette.

"All right Mister," she squeaked as she got out and practically flitted from one rooftop to another.

"Sheldor!" Brown Dynamite shrieked even as he pulled away to seek cover.

Sheldon raised his paintball gun, his finger pumping as paint balls mercilessly launched towards Bernadette—who blurred with motion, letting the paint balls fly past her.

"Dynamite! Help!" Sheldon yelled as his gun ran dry.

Bernadette charged towards him. "You like teddy bears and birds and gave up on string theory and your mother is having premarital sex and—"

"You're a characterless prop with zero personality depth beyond bipolar bitchy and ultra sweet," Sheldon shot back. "Your apartment could come right out of an IKEA catalogue it's so devoid of personal touches." Brown Dynamite's jaw dropped when he saw Bernadette actually stagger back. "It's a wonder they even bothered to give you a name other than 'The Girlfriend'."

"—For as smart as you think you are, Leonard's worked with Stephen Hawking and came up with the idea for your groundbreaking work and he disproved your theory and at the end of the day has a better shot at tenure and a Nobel Prize than you," Bernadette screeched, dropping Sheldon to his knees.

She picked up a discarded gun and pointed it at him.

"You're just a character," Bernadette said.

"And you've been cancelled," Brown Dynamite said from behind her, gun in hand.

He shot and she fell, only when the body hit the ground it had reverted back to the pilot.

"Never get used to that," Brown Dynamite said as he went over to Sheldon and helped him up. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You actually stood up to the Agent. That was awesome!"

"She bested me in the end," Sheldon grunted. He looked to the helicopter. "Can you fly that thing?"

"Not yet." Brown Dynamite pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Operator," Wolowizard said at the other end.

"I need a pilot program for a military M-109 helicopter."

"One moment."

Brown Dynamite put his phone away and waited. Suddenly his eyes fluttered as information surged into his brain, all the essentials of flying a helicopter absorbed at light-speed.

His eyes opened and he grinned. "Let's rock and roll."

XXX

"This is taking too long," Amy hissed as she stared angrily at Queen P.

Before Bernadette could answer she turned towards the window at the sound of a rather close helicopter.

The helicopter dropped into view, with Sheldon in the back bay, his purple plaid coat flapping in the wind as he aimed the mounted .50 machine gun.

"Sheldon!" Amy exclaimed and stood.

The gun jumped and paint pellets exploded against the window.

"What's he doing?" Bernadette squeaked. "Where did the paint come from?"

XXX

On the ship, Wolowizard noted a change in the Molaro streaming.

XXX

Sheldon made a circle with the paint before leaving the machine gun aside. He pulled out a water gun from his coat pocket and aimed it at Amy.

"Bad Amy," he said as he fired repeatedly, shots of water piercing the glass and hitting Amy, her body jack-knifing back, blood arcing out with a sudden flash of light. Then Bernadette was laid low.

"Come on, Queen P," he hissed as he fired at the centre of the paint circle. The window cracked and the circle crumbled and fell to the ground.

"Queen P!" he shouted.

Queen P lifted her head, her eyes blinked, and again they flashed with green fire.

The door to the room opened and Amy and Bernadette rushed in just as Queen P leapt from her chair towards the window.

"She won't make it," Sheldon said and snapped the other rope-end onto a bolted bar.

Without hesitation, Queen P lunged out of the window and began to fall.

Sheldon hurled himself into the wide blue empty space. Flying for a moment. The rope snaked out behind him, an umbilical cord attached to a machine.

As their two bodies, set in motion, rushed at each other on a seemingly magnetic course until—

They collided.

They almost bounced free of each other, with Sheldon's arms and legs scrambling in furious desperation, finding holds and clinging on.

The line ended, snapped taut and although it felt like his belt would cut him in half, Sheldon still hung onto Queen P.

As Brown Dynamite pulled the helicopter up and away, Amy took off her tiara and launched it at the copter. It easily pierced the hull and oil began to pour out like black blood.

Sheldon's sharp hearing caught the helicopter begin to hitch.

"Drat," he cursed and held on.

Brown Dynamite threw the helicopter towards the roof of the nearest building. The engine ground, the chopping blades started to slow, so he did his best to guide the parabolic fall over the nearest roof.

Sheldon and Queen P dropped safely, rolled free as the rope went slack. He got to his feet, trying desperately to detach himself but the helicopter was falling too fast, arcing over the roof like a setting sun.

The coils of slack snapped taught, yanking Sheldon off his feet and dragged him with ferocious speed towards the edge.

Brown Dynamite lunged for the back door, a gun in one hand, grabbing for the rope with the other.

Sheldon flew like a skipping stone across the roof, until his feet hit the rain gutter, a fulcrum that levered him up just as Brown Dynamite severed the cord from the helicopter with a bullet and held on as the helicopter dropped away and smashed, blades first into a glass skyscraper. He held onto the rope and swung, connected to Sheldon, who stood on the building's edge watching his arc even as the helicopter exploded.

XXX

Wolowizard stared at the screen, his mouth agape.

"He's the One," he whispered. "He's got to be."

XXX

Sheldon pulled Brown Dynamite onto the roof before both men collapsed to the ground.

"I knew it! I goddamn knew it!" Queen P shouted joyously as she slipped her legs through her arms in order to bring her cuffed hands to the front. She stumbled to Sheldon and fell to her knees at his side.

"I knew you were the One," she grinned.

"No," Sheldon said and sat up. "Queen P, I know you won't believe me but the Oracle told me I'm not the One."

"It doesn't matter if I don't believe you." She wiped an oil smudge off his cheek as green eyes met blue. "What matters is that you don't believe him."

Sheldon paused a moment before reaching for her hands and with a quick movement snapped her handcuffs apart.

"Let's go home," he said.


	7. The One

The phone rang and Wolowizard grinned as he answered. "Operator."

"Got the package. Get us out of here!" Brown Dynamite said.

"Got one ready. An underground El station. State and Balbo."

"See you soon, love." The phone disconnected.

"You bet, love," Wolowizard breathed.

XXX

Sheldon, Queen P and Brown Dynamite found a locked metal gate, the sign reading 'Station Closed'. Sheldon looked around before taking out his paintball pistol and blew off the lock. They entered and descended the stairs into the station. In the moist underground distance they heard the muted ring of a telephone.

As they neared the sound Sheldon gasped as he saw an old man with a bottle of T-bird in his hand about to pick up the phone inside a graffiti-covered booth.

"Don't!" Sheldon shouted. The old man stopped as Sheldon rushed at him, gliding smoothly over the turnstiles.

"I'm sorry—I didn't mean!" the man gasped, shaking in terror as his eyes took in the gun in Sheldon's hand.

Sheldon's eyes followed his to the gun before he holstered it. "Get out of here. Okay? Run! Go!"

The old man nodded, turned and hurried deeper into the urban cave, disappearing into the shadows as Brown Dynamite and Queen P arrived.

"What happened?" Brown Dynamite asked nervously.

"It was nobody." Sheldon indicated the booth with his head. "You first, Queen P."

Queen P got in and answered the phone.

Lost in the shadows, the old man turned back and watched as she disappeared, the phone dropping, dangling by its cord.

His eyes grew wide, glowing white in the dark.

Brown Dynamite walked over and hung up the phone. He turned to Sheldon. "Queen P is right, you know. It doesn't matter what she believes or even what the Oracle believes. What matters is what you believe." He smirked. "I know your secret you know."

"What secret?" Sheldon asked.

The phone began to ring.

"I know who you think you are." Brown Dynamite wiggled his eyebrows as he went into the booth.

Sheldon gave him a double look before something caught his eye and he turned to where the old man had been.

"Agent!" he yelled, as Amy emerged from the tunnel as if formed by congealing darkness and charged with a fistful of metal.

Amy gestured with her tiara, diamonds bursting though the plastic window of the phone booth just as Brown Dynamite disappeared. The handset hung in the air as the diamond hit, shattering the ear piece.

XXX

Brown Dynamite blinked as he woke in the ship. "Sheldor!"

"What happened?" Queen P asked as she unhooked him.

"An Agent!"

Queen P paused before looking at Wolowizard. "You have to send me back!"

"I can't! The link's broken!" he replied.

XXX

Sheldon and Amy blasted at each other, _Pop Pop Pops_ and whistling diamonds thundered through the underground. They moved at impossible speeds, paint balls and diamonds whizzing harmlessly by. An instant later they were nearly on top of each other, rolling up out of a move that was almost a mirrored reflection of the other and jammed their weapons tight to the other's head.

They froze in a kind of embrace, Sheldon sweating, panting, while Amy was machine-calm.

"I'm the best girlfriend you're ever going to have," she said with a smile.

"Let me assure you that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me," Sheldon replied.

Her smile fell and she shook her tiara. There were no more diamonds. Amy's face warped with rage and she attacked, fists flying at furious speed, backing Sheldon up.

"What the hell, Sheldon!" she shrieked. "We have been going out for over five years and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss 'cause you said it made my mouth look too slippery. You. Owe. Me."

"You were the most like me and we had a relationship of the mind, but then you started talking about wanting sugar and succumbing to baser urges, first with Zack and then with me. You think that I didn't get the comments about you being ready to copulate. I did. I ignored them because they were not a part of the relationship that I wanted."

"You said you wanted to have sex with me! We had sex! Glorious love-making!" Amy pounded Sheldon, an unrelenting fury as fists hit like jackhammers until he fell to the ground. She grabbed hold of him and lifted him into the air. "You said you loved me. That there could be no other explanation for what you felt for me." She hurled him against the curved wall of the train tunnel, where he fell inches from the electrified third-rail.

From deep in the tunnel, like an animal cry, a burst of high-speed metal ground against metal.

Sheldon heard the train and tried to get up, only to be kicked back by Amy. The world began to shake, rumbling as the train neared.

"Hear that, Sheldon?" she said with a grin. Amy grabbed him in a choke-hold and forced him to look down the tracks, the train's headlight burned a hole in the darkness. "That is the sound of a five year plan coming to fruition."

Sheldon saw the train coming and started to fight.

"Love. Sex." Amy tightened her hold, leaving Sheldon unable to breathe. "Marriage. Children." She smiled. "We're perfect, Sheldon."

The train roared at them, swallowing Amy's words.

Sheldon's right eye twitched as did his lips as he gritted through the pain.

"My name," he said carefully. "Is Sheldor."

Impossibly, he hurled himself straight up, smashing Amy against the concrete ceiling of the tunnel. They fell as the sound and fury of the train exploded into the station.

Sheldon back-flipped up off the tracks just as the train barreled over Amy.

He stood, knees shaking, while the train slammed on its emergency brake. With an ear-splitting shriek of tortured rails, the train slowed, part of it still in the station.

Sheldon turned, limping, and started to run, racing for the escalator. As the train came to a stop and the doors of the last car opened Amy burst out in furious pursuit.

XXX

"Get me back there!" Queen P yelled as Wolowizard typed at his keyboard.

"I'm trying, Ma! There's nothing near him!" he yelled back.

XXX

Sheldon flagged down a black sports car and moved to the driver window. He flashed his gun and the driver got out and ran. He then slid inside, put the car in gear and drove.

His eyes flashed to either side mirror. They weren't properly aligned to him. Additionally, the seat was too close and—his eyes widened. The check engine light was on.

XXX

A call came in and Wolowizard opened the channel.

"Operator!" he exclaimed.

"Mr. Wizard, there's no place like home! No place like home!" came the voice with a very twangy Texas accent.

"Sheldor!"

"You bet your sweet patootie. Now get me out of here!"

The keyboard clacked as Wolowizard searched for an exit. Queen P took his headset and brought the microphone to her mouth.

"You get your ass back here!" she snapped.

XXX

"I'm trying." Sheldon glanced to his right and saw Bernadette driving the car beside his. She swerved and slammed into him.

"Wabash and Lake. A hotel," Wolowizard said over the phone. Sheldon fought the steering wheel as Bernadette pushed the car up over the median. "Room 303."

Sheldon dropped the phone as his car bucked into the opposing lane, directly into the charging path of an enormous truck driven by Amy. He dove from the Mercedes as the truck plowed into it, rending metal and glass, crushing through, and totaled other cars as it exploded.

Even as orange and black clouds billowed around him, Sheldon got up and began to run, hauling his broken and bleeding body.

Behind him, two figures silhouetted by the burning wreckage chased after him. Amy's cell phone rang and she stopped to answer it. She listened and a smirk came to her face.

Sheldon ran towards the Heart of Chicago Hotel, swerving into the alley to hopefully shake the Agents off his trail. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Bernadette charging towards him. In response he leapt for the fire escape and began to climb.

XXX

Amy waited patiently as the elevator moved until she heard the distant ring of a phone.

XXX

Bullets sparked and ricocheted around Sheldon as he jumped for the third floor platform. He kicked in the window and jumped into the hall. The doors counted backwards: 310... 309...

XXX

"Where is he?" Queen P asked.

"Almost there," Wolowizard replied, his eyes glued to the screen.

Brown Dynamite worried his lip. "He's going to make it."

XXX

Sheldon could hear the phone ringing.

305... 304...

Bernadette reached the broken window behind him just as Sheldon grabbed the handle of 303, throwing open the door to find Amy, waiting, with The Relationship Agreement in hand.

Sheldon couldn't move. Couldn't think.

"You were living like half a man. Then you couldn't love, but now you can. More soul than you ever had." Amy stabbed him in the heart with the rolled up Agreement.

XXX

Sheldon's body jerked, and everyone heard it as the life monitors snapped flat-line.

Brown Dynamite screamed while Queen P was frozen in disbelief.

XXX

With a hole in his chest, Sheldon fell to the blue shag carpeting, blood smearing down the wallpaper.

Amy stood over him, Relationship Agreement firmly in hand, as Bernadette arrived.

"Check him," Amy said.

Bernadette kneeled beside him and checked his vital signs. "He's gone."

Amy smiled at him. "I told you, you couldn't win." She looked to Bernadette. "Mama needs a bath."

They walked away from Sheldon's body.

XXX

Brown Dynamite sobbed in Wolowizard's arms while Queen P sat by Sheldon.

She leaned in, her mouth to his ear.

"You're right here," she whispered. "I'm holding you, Moonpie. I'm not letting you go. Do you hear me? I won't let you go." Her thumb caressed his cheek even as her hand cupped his face. "The Oracle told me that I would fall in love, and that man, the man that I loved, would be The One."

She brought her lips to his, leaving a lingering kiss.

"I love you," she said.

The life monitors jumped back to life.

Brown Dynamite and Wolowizard stared in disbelief.

"Now get up!" Queen P ordered.

XXX

Sheldon sat up, trying his best to focus, before getting to his feet.

Hearing the commotion, Amy and Bernadette turned around and could only gawk.

Amy grimaced and threw the Roommate Agreement, its sheets separating and rolling needlepoint sharp even as they streaked towards Sheldon.

"No!" Sheldon said and put out his hand. The paper needles slowed down and stopped in front of him. He looked at them, and picked one up. He looked at it, and then dropped it to the floor, and with a head nod, the rest fell.

Bernadette took a step back.

XXX

What the frak is that? Wolowizard gasped as the codes of the Molaro suddenly aligned themselves.

"He's The One," Brown Dynamite breathed.

XXX

Sheldon looked at Amy and advanced towards her.

"Penny was supposed to be Leonard's girl, but the fans and media noted the chemistry between Dr. Whackadoodle and his firecracker neighbour. There were calls for us to go out, to change the course of the show away from Leonard, and make me the romantic interest. But that challenged The Plan and therefore I had to be neutralized. Enter Amy Farrah Fowler. My so-called perfect match.

"You aren't a character, you're a plot device. You lack the coherence to make the plots shape to your personality, instead your personality warps to whatever the writers need. You are socially awkward and yet give me advice on social situations. You're a neurobiologist and yet can make advancements in my field of String Theory. You thought romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships and yet spent four seasons trying to bed me. Making things the Shamy Show so you can elevate yourself to my status while at the same time undermining me and the early history of the show. But the truth of the matter is that years from now, The Big Bang Theory won't be remembered for a stringy-haired cardigan-clad woman or a maudlin romantic nee stalking relationship between a bespectacled homunculus and the dreamer blonde neighbour whom he badgered like he was a drug-resistant staph infection and she was an urethra that could not shake him.

"It'll be moments like The Nimoy Napkin and Panty Piñata and Where No Sheldon Has Gone Before and breaking into apartments to clean them. It'll be the comedic moments. The comradery.

"It won't be The Amy Farrah Fowler Show. Or the Shamy.

"Instead, it'll be that show that Sheldon was on.

"Because you are just a girl, a friend, my girlfriend, by design.

"I'm a Breakout Character. Bazinga."

Amy's body exploded, shards of something like green glass flew all over the room.

Sheldon looked down at the ground with his eyes shut. The room appeared to bend, like the spoon boy's spoon. His eyes snapped open and he looked up at Bernadette.

She turned and fled.

The phone rang and Sheldon lunged for it.

XXX

His eyes opened to meet Queen P's welcoming gaze.

"Hello Kitten," he said.

"Whackadoodle," she replied.

Of course they kissed.

XXX

Television screens around the world went to static at 8pm on a Thursday.

Sheldon's voice came across loud and clear.

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us, you're afraid that the show is past its peak and no matter how many changes you make it still won't surpass the height of innovation, humour and originality it reached in the early seasons.

"I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how this is going to begin. Now, I'm going to sign off, and I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without tawdry romances and thirty somethings trying to create high school milestones instead of celebrating their professional and personal adult accomplishments, without mean-spiritedness that makes you question why any of us are friends and an all-out assault on individualism.

"A world where anything can happen. Especially on a Thursday.

"Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you."

Sheldon nodded and the screens went back to their shows. He stepped out of the broadcast center and put on a pair of sunglasses.

He looked around the street for a moment, and then flew off.

 _End_


End file.
